


Letting Go

by ThatwasJustaDream



Series: March Bingo: Kink Card #5 [4]
Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Aftercare, BDSM, Bondage, Community: 1_million_words, Dom/sub Play, Established Relationship, Gags, M/M, Riding Crops, Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-10 08:50:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5579116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatwasJustaDream/pseuds/ThatwasJustaDream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harvey can see it: How much Mike needs a strong hand, and some steering. How badly he needs to let go. Happily, he's got a plan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Breakfast in Bed

_“Where are you going?”_

Mike was in the bathroom when he heard Harvey ask it from the depths of their deeply dark bedroom, Harvey’s voice thick with sleep. Mike had showered with only the nightlight on - an attempt at not waking him which had obviously failed.

They’d drawn the blackout shades before they’d crashed, hoping to ensure at least one solid night's rest this week. It did help; Mike had slept great. But it wasn’t enough; he still felt like crap -- on Sunday morning, with a rough week ahead. 

Yay. Hooray for his chosen field and their brutal hours. For the cases that demanded they accomplish the impossible and which never, ever stopped coming. Just...yay.

“You know where I’m going…” Mike tied a towel around his waist and went to Harvey, fingers combing through his wet hair. “If I don’t hit the office and figure out what I’m missing? Monday's deposition will bite me in the ass and I can’t afford that, can I?"

He heard the hollowness in his own voice; almost like he had a cold - which he didn’t. Just fatigue. And dread. So sure he’d missed something; that he would let them all down again, blow another case like he just about blew one last week. Having to agree to a settlement never went over well: Mike could still see Jessica's disappointed expression whenever he closed his eyes and he sure as hell didn't want to see it again for real anytime soon.

“If you don’t get back into bed, _I’ll_ bite you in the ass.”

Mike heard that certain tone; an edge of something both forceful and anticipatory. Despite his exhaustion, he felt his body's reaction to Harvey's 'dom voice' in all the very best places. 

“Harvey… I want to. You know I always want to, but I can’t.”

“Yeah, you can,” Harvey was getting up. He could see that better, now that his eyes had adjusted: Harvey was kicking off the sheets, half sitting up, a hand extended to him. “You want to, but more importantly you need to. _C’mon…_ ”

Mike took it as a sign how committed Harvey was to him these days, that he didn’t even object to Mike tossing his damp towel on the bedroom floor. 

“Okay…” He let Harvey pull him back into bed, sliding over to ‘his’ side and onto his back, pulling the sheet up to keep from getting too cool after the shower, too fast. “I give. What are we doing?”

As in, Mike thought, what are you going to do _to/with_ me? 

Harvey always talked through a scene first, and got Mike's full, verbal agreement before they started - which Mike appreciated. With Harvey, he could feel and enjoy all the _good_ nervous with zero fear. It was a relief: Having a dom he could trust that deeply, someone who could help him truly let go.

Which is what Mike knew he really needed today. Apparently, so did Harvey.

"We'll start with a long round of TLC.” Harvey leaned up on one elbow, over him, fingers tracing along Mike’s shower-warmed skin, the pad of a thumb reaching to gently brush and tease Mike's furthest nipple. “Breakfast in bed, with you bound and blindfolded. I'll make sure you're comfortable, after - prep you, then leave you to some alone time, to anticipate what's next. Maybe you can rest some more while you digest; you haven't caught up nearly enough on your sleep. Then, a new toy.”

“New?”

“It came in the mail Thursday. Special order: A leather crop. I’ll pull the stress out of you one snap at a time - use it on your ass, your thighs, your shoulders. You won't be able to think about much of anything... you'll have to let go of everything else.”

“How will it feel? Compared with the paddle?”

Mike was not a fan of the paddle or, honestly, of most toys that didn't vibrate. A soft flogger was one thing, but he preferred Harvey's hand for anything more deeply percussive. He knew Harvey was right, though: Something this different would demand his entire focus.

“It'll feel sharper, but not so heavy. Not so 'thumpy,'" Harvey said. "Kind of a brighter type of pain, if that makes sense. I think you’ll like it much better than the paddle - and I think I can make you just about come from it.”

“What if I do? What if I come before you say I...."

“No rules about that today. You don't need the added strain. If you _do_ wait until I say, I’ll reward you with my mouth before I fuck you. Then, another nap – and if you look significantly more rested by late afternoon, I’ll go in to the office with you.”

“You don’t have to," Mike felt his body, which had started to slide into a sort of automatic relaxation at the talk of the scene, snap back to a more tense place. "I can research the case myself.”

“It’s not charity, Mike; you’ve done some of the best work I’ve ever seen from you, lately but… you have to know when to accept help.”

“Not all of us are so good at that,” Mike said. 

“You’d better learn: I’ve seen a lot of spectacular flame-outs. I won't watch that happen with you.”

“Yeah…” Mike said. He had a lot of other thoughts on the matter, on not wanting to rely too heavily on Harvey and why ....but he opted to keep them to himself for now. “I’m sure… you’re not kidding. And I’m fried. I'll admit that. So tell me. What to do.”

“Good boy,” Harvey said. “Sit up. Get all the pillows you want, arranged how you want them.”

Mike did, watching Harvey head for the toy drawer. They'd had to graduate it from Harvey's nightstand to the longer, deeper middle drawer of his dresser as items accumulated and larger items were added. 

Today, Mike noticed, Harvey was leaving behind the roll of non-stick PVC tape in favor of some medium length silk scarves and the thigh-to-wrist restraints. The scarves, it would seem, were going to serve as his blindfold, too, since his actual one didn't come out of the drawer. 

There were more utilitarian things he was searching up, too: lube, and a plug. And, Mike's eyes were happy to see, the vibrator with the flat, angled head which meant if he was very, very good he would get the deluxe blow job with an electric-powered prostate massage and _fuck_ , yes, he was getting hard already thinking about that.

"Good as you are?" Harvey asked as he set it all out on the bed, and on his nightstand. "Or do you want to lie down while I fix your food?"

"No, I'm good." Mike sat back and made one more adjustment, eyeing the crop where it lay at an angle on Harvey's side of the bed. "May I look at that? Can I pick it up?"

"Sure," Harvey smiled and watched him reach for it, visibly enjoying Mike's examination of it.

It was medium-length, as crops went, Mike thought: Not as long as he'd expected. Simple, dark gunmetal grey body with a black handle and a black, fabric loop that Harvey could slide over his wrist if he chose to. 

The striking end was equally simple: Just a single, folded piece of black leather - shiny with newness and lack of use. Mike got fingers on the striker and played with it a bit and...not soft at all. Nope. Not pliable. Tight, and fresh. 

The thought of it landing over and over on his skin made him shift around on the bed. He noticed Harvey's smile deepen ever so slightly.

"I don't suppose there's any chance.... if I go ass-up for you right now, you might give me a preview? Just a couple of strikes to see how it'll....."

"You're right," Harvey interjected, but his voice was soft. "No chance. Kind of looking forward to that part, Mike."

"Yup. That's what I figured," He set it down and scooted back into the pillows, taking a long breath to push away the twist of adrenaline going through him. "What's for breakfast?"

"You tell me," Harvey picked up the restraints and started looping one of the longer pieces under Mike's thigh. "It's your TLC. You pick."

"Eggs over easy. I know scrambled is easier to feed me, but I don't like scrambled."

"That's fine. What else?"

"Lots of butter on the toast. Coffee. Do we have pineapple juice?"

"Yup. Fresh carton."

"Awesome. Shit, I'm starving."

'And you were going to go to work like that,' Harvey's eyes said, Harvey shaking his head ever so slightly as he fastened the first wrist restraint and asked for Mike's right hand to start on the other.

It always surprised Mike, how much he loved this part: Being bound by him, tugging with his arms and feeling it - the scant inch that made up all the distance he could move his hands away from his thighs. He did that now, feeling the first shivers of a kind of pleasurable fear, letting them roll through him as Harvey got up to wrap on the velcro ankle ties, clipping an equally short chain between them, too.

After the fuzzy burn of that particular rush subsided, Mike began to work on the letting go; feeling his sympathetic nervous system get back in on the game - his dick getting hard, his thoughts blurring, his perception starting to turn inward. He'd only experienced true sub-space a few times, but had a feeling today he might go deeper. He hoped so. 

He looked forward to seeing _how_ deep and far away he had it in him to go.

"Mike," Harvey sat next to him, holding up the scarf and waiting for Mike's nod before wrapping it around his eyes, knotting it behind his head. "I know I don't say it a lot but... it's a pleasure. You know? Having a sub as smart and ...beautiful as you. Someone who's so...stubborn, and self-directed _giving_ me this? It means a lot."

Mike felt the words as deeply as he'd felt the adrenaline; pleasure and embarrassment coloring his face. He could only imagine how he looked right now. Couldn't imagine being this vulnerable with anybody else.

"Thank you, sir," he gave another tug with his wrists, shifting on the sheets, knew Harvey loved seeing him test the ties. "I love it, too, sir. But could you make me my damn breakfast now before I pass out from starvation?"

He heard Harvey's 'oh, please' snort as he left the room and...yeah. 

He'd probably just earned a little extra wrist action with that new toy but.... very worth it.


	2. Comfort before Hurt, before...

Mike got a follow-up clue about how tired he was; he felt himself falling back asleep less than a minute after Harvey left him bound, blindfolded, and propped against a small sea of pillows.

It was not a restful sleep, in exactly the same way the whole night before hadn’t been restful. Mike’s head was still full of vague, threatening work dreams bouncing off each other like bees in a paper bag. 

“You’re drooling,” He heard Harvey's voice cut through the jittery buzz, eventually, Harvey's tone low and mildly chiding.

Ten minutes may have passed, or thirty. He had no idea.

Mike could smell the coffee and eggs. Heard the clinking of a cup on a saucer as Harvey walked; that’s probably what had woken him up, the specific clattering sound of bone china.

“I’m starving. And I fell asleep. And…” Mike gave a tug on the buckles around his wrists chained to the ones around his thighs. He sat up taller and jutted out his chin, which now, in the darkness imposed by the scarf around his eyes, felt conspicuously...spitty. “I can’t exactly do anything about it. Can I?”

“Not criticizing you,” He heard Harvey setting something down on the nightstand. “Just noting it, how deeply out you were.”

Mike felt the tap and swipe of a thick paper napkin against his chin and his cheek. Then he felt Harvey join him on the mattress, sitting next to him. From the way the mattress moved he could tell Harvey had his own back to the wall, too; was right next to him.

He gave in to the urge to let his head fall right, and rest on Harvey's shoulder. It was pushing it, doing that without asking - but it felt good, and technically they weren't in their scene yet. Not far into it, at least.

“Egg,” Harvey said, shoulder flexing to nudge him upward again. “…on toast. No fork.”

“No fork?” Mike asked, but then he left his mouth slightly open in welcome. 

Damn, he was hungry.

“No fork,” Harvey said. “So, no tines.”

Made sense. Enjoying erotic pain did not mean you welcomed an accidental poke to the tongue with sharp tableware, not even a little.

“Mmmmmm…..”

The toast was perfect; seven-grain bread, lightly done. The eggs were cooked in butter from the rich, salty taste of them. Mike picked up a hint of ground pepper, and equal amounts of yolk to white in the bite he’d been served.

It was followed, after a pause for him to chew and swallow, by another bite offered up in silence. 

“Coffee,” He heard Harvey say, then. “Careful, it’s hot.”

Mike felt the cup against his lip and waited a beat. Harvey only tipped it a little, so he leaned in the rest of the way to try it. Not too bad, not overly hot; he pulled in a long drink of it and then felt the cup go away at just the right moment.

“Good?” Harvey asked, and Mike nodded.

Another bite of food was pressed to his lower lip. In the ‘dark,’ with nothing else to distract? It tasted like a delicacy; like a savory dessert, and not a simple egg.

“You’ve done this before,” Mike said, chewing. “With other subs.”

“You say so, why?” 

Not a denial.

“You’ve got the timing down. And the best angle for the coffee cup,” Mike said, still chewing. “I can feel that the toast was pre-cut with a sharp knife to make clean edges, and each piece was bowed a little, to make a boat. That way you avoid getting crumbs and egg all over your nice sheets.” 

And, Mike did not say, those are things that take practice - even if you’re Harvey.

“There's only the one.”

“Only one, what?”

“One other sub I’ve fed like this. Like my personal baby bird.” 

He knew Harvey was saying it to let him know it was an investment he didn’t take lightly – but Mike couldn’t not huff out a _‘sure; that figures, screw this, I’m sorry I even asked…’_

Harvey didn’t say anything back for a second.

“She’s a fact of my past, Mike. I have to accept certain facts of your past, and I do. Do you think you’ll ever be able to note it when I mention her, and then move on like a grownup?”

“Sure. If she ceases to be,” Mike blurted. “Then, I will. Out of respect for the dead.”

For a horrifying second he thought he’d gone way the hell past too far, but then Harvey was leaning in; he could feel him closer, felt lips brushing the shell of his ear.

“Jealous boy,” Harvey whispered, planting a light kiss that pushed a shiver straight through him. "Needy boy."

The words were followed by an all too brief plunging of a tongue into his ear canal. The warmth, followed by a rush of cool air after it, gave him goose bumps; made his nipples tighten and his cock begin to take a renewed notice of the proceedings.

“Yeah, I am,” Mike muttered, accepting the next bite of toast. “But what are you?”

He felt a ‘watch out’ slap to the outside of his farthest thigh.

They fell into a routine for the rest of breakfast; more coffee, some halved grapes after the eggs, Harvey announcing each bite and sip as he offered it up.

“We should go on vacation,” Mike said between swallows. “For a week, like human beings.”

“You wouldn’t like me on vacation. I get…antsy. And then I get cranky.”

“We don’t have to do a boring, _beach-pool-cabana-all-inclusive_ thing,” Mike tried again. “We could go hiking. Or skiing, or….”

“Those … are possibilities.”

Well, this was hopeful. Mike hadn’t actually dared imagine getting Harvey far, far away from it all anytime soon.

“Hunting,” Mike said.

It seemed Hemingwayesque. Something Harvey might go for.

“ _You_ with a gun in your hand?” Mike heard him snicker, heard the plate being set on the nightstand again. “I’m not going anywhere near that. And I don’t see you shooting a living thing. At least not for pleasure.”

“Okay. Hiking,” Mike backtracked. “Alaska. Photo safari.”

“Alaska?”

“In July. I’m not looking to freeze. Just looking to …escape.”

Way away from it all. Please, God.

“I think I can help you out there,” He felt Harvey getting up, felt the coffee cup against his lip one last time. “Momentarily, at least; I can send you somewhere. How about we get started?”

Mike took a long sip and his heart started beating faster – not because of the caffeine.

~*~ 

“Facing up or down? While I set the plug?”

“I get a choice?” Mike started scooting south on his back, Harvey’s hands on his shoulders, urging him away from the pillows.

“You’re the one with the full belly, so… yes. Your choice.”

“Face down, then. Thank you.”

“Relax, I’ll help you. Good. Roll……there.”

Mike felt a light tap on his ribs and lifted up, slightly, onto his knees, feeling Harvey fill the space under his belly and lower chest with pillows. It left him in a supported frog position; wrists still a single inch from each of his widely spread thighs, his head against the bed. He turned it to one side, cheek to the mattress, and tried to relax.

“Is it okay if I talk?” Mike asked, to vent some stress as much as anything. He could hear Harvey arranging things on the nightstand, flicking open a bottle of lube.

“Yes. Right now, while we go over things especially. And I won’t punish you if you talk later, though I’d rather you keep it to responses when asked for one. I want you to let go as much as possible and you don’t when this turns into a conversation. Do you?”

“No, sir. I know I don’t. Thank you.”

“I’m going to start with your upper back,” Mike’s lower back arched, a reflex, as fingertips ran over the muscled section just below his shoulders. “Nice and light, all through here. I’ll only pink the skin - ease you into it. Understood?”

“Yes, Harvey.”

“I’ll have you standing up on your knees, then – tied the way you are now. Even though I won't strike you hard, it'll be a challenge to stay up. I may opt to leave a mark right around here,” Mike felt a single finger tracing just south of his shoulder blades. You’re okay with that, aren’t you? Wearing a scratch and a welt or two for me right here?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. I’ll enjoy that, Mike: knowing you’ll feel them as you go through your day - when you lean back in a chair or reach for something, you’ll feel them …pull.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Then I’ll rearrange you; like you are now, but with your arms over your head so you can lean into the heels of your hands if you want. And I will go to freaking town on your ass, your thighs…” 

Mike felt a hand, then another on said parts; kneading, pressing them apart. Playing with him like a toy, indicating where he’d make use of the crop, pushing Mike’s whole body around.

“If I say no…or _stop_?” Mike heard how unsteady his voice was. “Don’t stop. Okay?”

“Agreed,” Harvey slid a first finger inside him, twisting it, saying it in a way that made it clear he was stating a fact and not acquiescing to Mike in the middle of a scene. “Red means stop, yellow means you need a breather - nothing else pauses us.”

“Thank you, sir. I’m not sure I can… _not_ say stop this time. I’m ….shit I’m….”

Nervous. Wanting it. Scared. Hard for it, for you, but… _fuck_. A crop. Pain; sharper than the paddle, not punishment, but….ohhh…. _hell_. 

His heart was pounding; Harvey wasn’t doing anything more unusual or exciting than adding a finger, gently spreading him open, but Mike’s heart was banging so loud he could hear it in his ears.

“Mike,” Harvey’s voice – close, again, but firm this time - not coy, demanding his attention. “Have you ever been close to saying ‘stop’ or ‘no?’ with me? Even once?”

“I don’t think so. No. I haven’t.”

“You won’t today, either. I won’t lie: Someday, I hope to hear those words out of you. It’ll be almost unbearably hot, when I do. But it’ll also mean I’ve taken you closer than I planned to saying ‘red.’ I pride myself on that, Mike; knowing where the line is, and playing it.”

“Yes, sir,” Mike felt his body relax inches deeper into the bed, into the pillows, a light wave of relief rolling through him, making the floating feeling begin to take hold.

It was good timing; Harvey’s fingers slid out and Mike felt the cool press of the plug, felt it being pushed in deep, spreading him more, his hole squeezing and releasing around it reflexively. 

Harvey was patient as always, never said a word as he worked it in, a palm going to Mike’s lower back, warm and heavy, stroking over him to soothe.

“Better?”

“Yes. Good. We could…uh… start now. If you want to?”

It was worth a try.

“No,” he felt Harvey giving the plug a flick for fun; giving Mike’s ass another slow, firm kneading. “That would be part of the letting go; having to wait. I won’t punish you if you fall asleep again, but…try not to. Lie there and think about it – think only about what’s coming.”

The sound Mike heard himself make – his ass in the air, body immobilized and on display, his hole full of lube and metal in preparation for Harvey’s cock, eventually, after Harvey set his skin and muscles on fire….

It would be embarrassing, that sound, if he had room for embarrassment.

Mike realized he was shivering, but not from cold; Harvey had draped the sheet over him as he left. He took a deep breath and let it out in stages, willing himself to relax. To wait.

And… nope; there was nothing else he’d be thinking about. Nothing at all.


	3. Release

It was like a formula: Footsteps = heart pounding = going a little breathless.

Mike knew, lying face down in the dark behind the blindfold, that Harvey would be back soon. But the sound still made adrenaline flow; made him feel his heart thumping in his back as much as in his chest.

“Up. C’mon… Harvey’s voice was calm and low; something detached in it that made Mike feel how naked and bound he was. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah,” Mike heard the shake in his voice as he murmured it. “M’okay.”

Harvey’s arms under and around him helped; got him kneeling tall and somewhat steady. Mike worked on calming his breath: In slow and long, out even slower.

“If it’s too much, color out. It’s all you have to do,” Harvey sounded slightly more sympathetic; had climbed onto the bed to kneel behind him, an arm across Mike’s chest pulling him in tight for a minute.

“Yeah. I know.”

_Yes, I trust you._

Mike could feel bare skin against his back; Harvey must have slipped off the t-shirt he’d slept in. Still had his boxer briefs on, though, from the rub of a cotton-covered bulge on Mike’s left ass cheek, up by his hip.

“Stay like this ‘til you have your bearings. But you’ll be kneeling a while, so …shift around when you can; drop back to sit on your heels if it’s more comfortable. You don’t have to keep still ‘til you’re flat on your stomach again. Understand?”

“Yes, sir.”

Stay still, then, Mike knew so that Harvey could better aim the crop around Mike’s more tender parts. The nervous energy running all through him gathered into a loose knot at the thought of that; a low ache from belly to balls.

“This part won’t hurt,” Harvey said softly against his left ear. “I think you’ll enjoy it.”

Mike heard himself make a sound of understanding. It seemed to come from somewhere or someone else. Harvey must have noticed, because…

“Color?” He asked, stepping back off the bed, a hand staying on Mike’s back until he was sure Mike was ready to kneel there alone.

“Green.”

“Tell me again.”

“Green. Sir. Hell, yeah….green.”

As in ‘go.’

Mike rocked down and up slightly, wrists still restrained next to his thighs. He got a feel for what was comfortable, for now. Settling in. And then it landed: The first strike of the crop, on his upper back, a finger’s length below his left shoulder blade.

“Ahhhh….oh, it…uh….o _hhh_ h….”

Felt like a bee-sting, he wanted to say. Like a deep, quick pick and then warmth blooming, spreading out fast. Odd, but not alarming.

Slap number two and three landed as he was analyzing that. Two struck almost on top of the first, and then three landed farther away. Three was harder; the crop flung faster, the sting of the leather on skin notably stronger.

“Good?” Harvey’s voice: Both right behind him, and a mile away.

“Ahh _mmm_ m….yessssss….”

It was the last word he’d get out for a while - would even want to get out.

The crop started coming at him faster; at first in a pattern he could follow, left to right, up and down. Then it started to vary, and damn if he didn’t find himself sinking into it; the warm circles of ache and burn growing and fading, almost like a web around him.

He wasn’t sure how long it went on, except eventually his whole upper back was heated; skin a bright pink, probably, his dick fully hard and his body sweating, rocking like he was riding a wave. He wanted nothing else right now except more – to ride this and never think about it stopping. 

Then…

“Ahhh…. C _cc_ … _r_ ap!” He shouted, standing up so tall on his knees that he almost lost his balance, had to fight to find it again.

A sharper strike had hit near his lowest right rib; felt like claws breaking skin deep enough to raise a welt.

“Fuuu..c…” He choked off the next word, mouth dropping wide open as a second, even harder strike landed right on top of it and he’d feel that for a day or three. No doubt.

It wasn’t the pain that shook him, as much as the loss of that perfect, fuzzy headspace. It had only been gone a few seconds and damn, he missed it.

“I’d say I’m sorry….” Harvey was standing close to him, now, a hand on Mike’s side, thumb tracing and pressing into the welt he’d just made. “but…”

“Yeah,” Mike breathed it out. “You’re not. I’m not, either. You were right; I liked that.”

More, please, he was ready to ask, but Harvey cut in.

“Sit all the way down between your feet. Take a few breaths. You’re panting.”

He hadn’t realized it, but he was. Was dizzy again, and also hard and aching for a hand or a mouth; probably close to decorating the sheets even kneeling up like this. All from a bunch of slaps with a leather loop.

“Shiiit, it’s embarrassing.”

“What is?

“What a fucking slut I am for this.”

“Why are you wasting your time being embarrassed?” Harvey’s fingers started tracing over his back, making his skin burn a little harder, making him shiver as the rest of his body cooled. “Am I embarrassed watching you? Loving on your begging sounds?”

Mike felt warmth spread over his face, to, at the words: He must have been making begging sounds, if Harvey said so. Didn’t remember, but … Harvey wouldn’t claim it for the fun of it. Between the heavy breathing there must have been…begging; a muttered asking for more and….

“I want it the same way,” Mike said it like an order as Harvey’s fingers worked the clasps chaining his wrists to his thighs, freeing them. “When you do my ass; I want you to use the crop the exact same way you just…”

“Of course you do,” Harvey was kneeling in again, voice patient – for now - the hard-on pressing against Mike no longer clothed but skin-on-skin. “Know what I want? To hear you lose your shit. Last round was for you. This next one is for me.”

Harvey gave a couple of hip pushes to rub against him, each push making Mike clench, making the ass plug inside him shift a little and… 

“I need it…the way I need it,” Mike heard himself say, against his own better judgment. “You want me to beg for it?” 

He was angry and he knew he sounded it. Not at Harvey at….everything. At his life, which never gave him what he needed, lately.

“No, I don’t want you to beg,” Harvey’s voice went fractionally harder as he left the bed again, left Mike there alone once more. “I want you to shut up and take what I give you or color out.”

“Please!”

Funny how supplication could be defiance. _Please,_ as in _Fuck You, I Need…._

“Do I have to stuff that pushy mouth of yours?” he heard Harvey ask. “Gag you and tie you to the bed? I will; I’ll get the spreaders. I’ll tie you down so hard you can’t …”

“No. I don’t….”

“….move an inch. I’ll plug your mouth fuller than your ass if…”

“…I don’t want that. I need it like before, I ……”

“You’re good at telling me what to do. You _suck_ at being an actual submissive.”

“…I mean it, I need to ….”

Go back there, Mike didn’t say. To that place where all I feel is …nothing, except what you’re doing to me.

“Trust me. I’ll get you floating again. I will, and…”

“You won’t. You fucking won’t, and I’ll tell you about every goddamn second. It’s not that I can’t take more pain – I can. But I won’t, ‘cause I’ve had it with…”

Mike stopped, because Harvey was gone; the crop landing with a soft thump to Mike’s right. The sound of Harvey walking to the dresser for more tools made him slump, made a groan that sounded half like surrender, half like frustration flow out of him.

“Color?” Mike heard him ask, felt himself being guided back down onto his stomach and his chest over the pillows again.

The chain between his ankles was being unhooked, and landed on the floor with a clatter.

“Green,” he said, and the word had never sounded so …resentful. He heard Harvey smother a snort. “Fucking … green.”

“That’s _almost_ more like it,” Harvey was pushing one end of the foot spreader into the left ankle cuff with a snap; was moving Mike’s right leg further out to accommodate the length of the metal rod. “Not as …giving as I’d like, but…”

The spreader was far more restrictive than the chain. Mike felt the option to control his legs going away entirely, felt a resulting jump in ‘oh, no’ running all through him.

“Did I say you could fuck the mattress?” Harvey muttered, moving north, fixing the shorter spreader bar to the cuffs on Mike’s wrists.

“No…. sir. You didn’t.”

“Then stop it, or I’ll undo these and hog tie you. Then I’ll leave you here alone for an hour or two and…”

“How will I color out?”

“You can shout it….”

“If you’re not here, I can’t…”

“You shout ‘red’ and I’ll hear you. I’ll hear you from anywhere in this apartment if you shout it. That’s how.”

“Owww!” Mike reacted to the hard, unexpected slap to his right ass cheek – full palm, full range of Harvey’s arm. “Shit!”

“You want this rough, don’t you? It’s why you’re mouth-almighty today….”

“I _told_ you what I want,” Mike felt Harvey loop something around the wrist spreader bar, felt his arms getting pulled forward so that he was practically spread eagle on his stomach. “ _You_ want it rough. Don’t kid yourself. _You_ want this and you’re…" 

He heard the shoos of PVC tape getting spun around and around the bottom rung of the headboard and there it was: He couldn’t move at all, really – not left or right, up or down. Could get his knees under himself, but that was it.

“Hold this,” a squeeze ball was pressed into his right hand. “When I want a color from you, squeeze it for green. Drop it for red. Best we can do, with your mouth full of cock gag.”

Fuck if his own dick didn’t jump at the thought.

“Relax your jaw,” Harvey said. “Wiggle it around; loosen it up and then relax it.”

Mike did, feeling fingers pulling the scarf over his eyes apart as he worked his jaw left and right, popped his mouth open and shut repeatedly. The room was still pretty dark, but once the scarf was gone he could see that the blackout shades were cranked up now, enough to allow some light – enough that he had to blink a little.

Mike turned his head, facing left away from the window, glaring up at Harvey sideways as best he could in the grey room. Harvey was smiling ever so slightly at the sight of him like this; immobilized and deeply frustrated.

“You’re gonna go at me hard, aren’t you?” Mike asked him.

“Hell, yeah. It’ll save me from having to punish you later for that mountain of attitude. Open wide….”

They hadn’t used the cock gag very often, and it felt _really_ weird going in. It felt, in fact, like the additional level of restraint it was; the neoprene cock sliding into his mouth, over his tongue- short of his throat but plenty long and wide enough to fill him until his lips were softly stretched.

It had a breathing hole through the middle, thankfully. The soft leather all around it was wide enough to cover his face from under his nose to over his chin, wrapping back around his jaws.

It made his heart start pounding again - the inability to move or make a sound. He knew he couldn’t make a sound because he tried to vent his frustration but …nothing. All he could hear was him breathing hard through his nose.

He felt Harvey pulled the straps on the gag tight behind his head, heard a jingle as he threaded them through buckles and fastened them.

“Press in with your knees,” Harvey’s hands were on Mike’s hips, arranging him ass-up again. “Want you like his. If you move, the crop may land where I don’t intend, and …it will _hurt_ more than I intend, too. Understood?”

Mike squeezed on the ball in his hand and turned his face down toward the mattress, pressed his forehead to it. He knew Harvey wanted to watch him take this – hiding his face was the only thing he could steal from him, and thankfully Harvey didn’t object…at least yet.

“Relax and count,” Harvey told him. “Count to five.”

An electric shock; on three.

That’s what it felt like. If the first round had started out feeling like bee stings, this was more like a strong, breath-taking pulse of electricity tracing high up across his right ass cheek. It was still radiating out, still burning when the next strike hit south of it. The third went lower, and now the blooming web was back again, one hurt fading as the next was born. 

Harvey was picking up the pace; no rest between throws, no time to catch his breath and …hell if it wasn’t true after all; he was falling into it, losing any sense of himself on the bed, barely feeling how his body was twisting and wriggling like a fish.

He fought for his balance; to stay on his knees and his forehead and to stay still as the striker slapped its way down his ass toward the crease by his thighs and ….

Shit! The first hit on the thigh made his eyes water; made him suck in air, shouting hard enough into the gag that a very muffled trace of sound got out though the leather.

“Color,” Harvey said it loudly, not stopping- the crop landing again and again as Mike squeezed the ball. “Good.”

The blows got more rhythmic; were hypnotic in exactly the opposite way as the earlier ones. All he could focus on were the rising and falling bursts of hurt, the way the plug and the gag felt as he clenched and bit around them. He felt himself getting closer to it: to begging for release…to come… please, Harvey, please, no more, need it, make me, make….

_….make me come._

“You should see this. I should take a picture,” Harvey murmured. The floaty sound in his voice suggested he was giving in to the urge to touch and stroke himself with the hand not busy with the crop. “…your ass turning red. You’re so hard and…tight….”

Mike felt the crop stop hitting and go away; then felt the tip of it being traced over his back, down the crack of his ass, the striker catching and then dragging slowly down, stuttering and teasing at his balls and the _idea_ of it....

He fought so hard to shout around the gag that he lost his breath; felt like his head might explode. He pushed up higher, ankles trying to come closer together, body twisting to try to shield his ass.

“Don’t worry,” he heard Harvey say. “I won’t do it. Not today. But thinking about it is free and…. look at you. You’re shaking like a newbie. You have a bad attitude and a hell of a mouth, Mike, but…. you take this so beautifully." 

There was silence for a moment and the strikes started again; harder, even faster, like Harvey was incited by the view he had. Mike could feel where the welts and nicks would be, later. He tried to drop back into it once more, to lose himself for another minute, maybe, because this was so almost over. It had to be, or he’d color out - would have to toss the ball and Harvey…he always knew where the line was.

Granted, Mike knew he was dropping physical hints: His head turning side to side, barely staying put for a second before he had to turn it again, back arching and rolling almost out of his own control and despite the risk of a bad blow landing. 

Then the pain started dulling, happily, and the pleasure got stronger; concentrating, gathering in on itself, about to blow him to bits and… it didn’t matter what was expected of him; Mike was so going to come, soon, if this didn’t, damn, didn’t……oh….shiiitttt…..

“Okay,” Harvey was over him the second it all stopped; was pressing him down on the bed with his own body, lips and teeth dipping in to nuzzle his neck and bite it gently, to nip over the muscle along his shoulder. “You did it. Well done…so beautiful.”

Fingers were working the buckles on the gag, and Mike moaned outright with relief as it was pulled from his jaws. He wasn’t panting this time, so much as sucking in long gulps of air, feeling half drowned, all at once, from how hard it had been to swallow and not choke around the damn thing.

“That was…..oh….shit….”

“Too much?”

“Almost. Not quite, but… almost. Tell me you’re not leaving me like this.”

“You can come,” Harvey said, still rocking against him. “You can have my hand or I’ll fuck you. I’d really rather fuck you but… it’s your call.”

“You said…”

“Said you could have my mouth. But that was before you tried to run the show. I’m patient, Mike, because you’re stubborn and mouthy and …that’s just you. But…there’s a point and you crossed it. Understand?”

“Fuck me.” 

“Yeah?” Harvey asked, a lot of pleased in the one word. “Are you sure? Tell me again, can I…”

“Yeah, fuck yes. Fuck me.” 

The plug was on its way out before he got the words finished.

“Turn over.” Harvey was reaching for the tape around the spreader bar between his wrists - undoing it and prying the bar loose, tossing it.

Then he was grabbing pillows for him - one for under his head, one folded under his back to arch his hips up.

“Can I hold the headboard?” Mike asked. “I want to…need to hold on.”

“Yes,” Harvey was over him again as he grabbed at them, examining Mike’s wrists and forearms. “They feel okay? Circulation?”

“Yeah. Good,” Mike reached back, a long sigh of anticipation and pleasure building at feeling freer, having some control over his body again as Harvey got hands on Mike’s ankles and urged his legs bent, pressed them back. “This won’t… it won’t take long.”

“Maybe for you,” Harvey said, in a way that suggested he planned to take his time as best he could.

Mike groaned and shifted around at the feeling of hands sliding under his ass, pushing him up a bit, and arranging him. He was still burning like a match; so much that Harvey’s hands felt cold, the air hitting his hole, too, as the cheeks were spread apart and then Harvey was pushing in. Mike tugged the headboard hard, head going back and mouth popping open at the pleasure of being filled and fucked – at the renewed ache and burn in his thighs and ass.

“Oh my….mm _mnnn_ nngg….fuck yes, fuck…..yeah…like….that….”

 He could hear amusement in the tight sounds Harvey was making as he dropped in, elbows digging into the bed around him, mouth by Mike’s ear.

 “You can’t help yourself, can you? Can’t not babble?”

 Mike was ready to tell him no, hell no he couldn’t, not with Harvey hip deep in him he couldn’t but… then Harvey was scootching; pushing him back even more toward the wall, kneeling in closer and going to frigging _town_ \- not punishing thrusts, but fast and deep, each one searching for the spot that finally _did_ make him wordless- made his back and his neck arch, made the whole world come to an impossibly small point and then explode until he was shouting and boneless and…

It was the best brain-eraser of the day.

~*~ 

“Hey,” a voice cut through his half-sleep. “You with me? We need to get you cleaned up and basted.”

“Can you hose me down here?” Mike suggested.

It was worth a try.

“I would if I could, you look so… content. But… no. The sheets need a change, too. C’mon…”

“All right, hold on…. I ….oh, wow…”

 “Dizzy?”

“A little. I feel…heavy. Fuck, it’s going to hurt again, isn’t it?”

“What?”

“The water. On my back.” 

“Yes, honestly. But only like a shower after a sunburn; a few rough seconds and it all gets better from there.”

Harvey had obviously been up for a while: Had towels waiting in the bathroom and a bottle of aloe on the sink, plus a tube of something that looked prescription from the label on it.

“I don’t think I can deal with going in to work today,” Mike said as Harvey opened the aloe and poured a generous amount on his own hands. “I sure as hell can’t sit, and…” 

“You _shouldn’t_ go in. You never needed to; we can go in early tomorrow. You’ll figure it out in an hour; what would have spent four or five on today, you’ll know the answer in an hour.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I’ve been there. Take a deep breath,” Harvey suggested, reaching behind him as Mike nodded and breathed. “This will be very cold….right now.”

Yup. So cold he yelped, hands going around Harvey’s hips for support, forehead going to his shoulder.

“Shit.” 

“You okay?” Harvey asked as his hands skimmed over Mike’s ass, his legs, the aloe starting to take and the nerves starting to cool. “Not going to loose your footing, are you?”

 “No. I’ve got it. I need to sleep again. After this. For...a long time.”

“Yeah, you do,” Harvey was stepping away, into the shower, getting the water adjusted. “Good you can admit it.”

“Awwww….shiii….” the water landing on his back felt like the crop again - like a dozen tiny, beaded crops landing all at once and for a second he wasn’t so sure about his footing after all. “…..oh, shit, fuck, damn and…”

“It’s okay. See? Better?”

“….hell. Damn and... hell. Yes. Better.”

Mike relaxed as Harvey stepped in to hold him, finding an unscathed portion of Mike’s back to loop his arms around. They stood there, still, letting the water roll over them, letting the shower stall fill with steam. Harvey must have stuck a eucalyptus bomb on the floor because it was starting to fill the air as the water hit it.

“I know why you’re afraid to lean on me too much,” Harvey said out of nowhere. “Both at work and here.”

“I’m not afraid to….” 

“Yeah, you are. I know you’re still not sure you won’t end up alone again; end up losing the trust you put in me. You won’t. I may not be exactly what you’d like every second but… I’ve got you. And I’m not going anywhere. I swear.”

“‘Kay,” Mike said, and he felt Harvey let go of a soft sound against him that said ‘is that all you’ve got for me?’ 

But it was, at this point. It really was.

 ~*~

“Is there something you’ve never done with another sub?” Mike asked. “Like…ever?”

 They were back in bed, lights low again, Mike on his side and bolstered with pillows behind him.

Harvey was next to him, stretched out too; had spent the better part of five minutes kissing Mike’s mouth, his face from forehead to chin, breathing in the scent of his warm skin from neck to far shoulder as Mike lay there, eyes closed. Eyes still closed. 

“Of course. There are a lot of things ‘I’ve never.’ It’s a hobby not a career, you know? I’ve only ever had four subs….”

Harvey let the thought trail, because two of them Mike had, unfortunately, learned all too much about. 

“Jason the nut job and …what’s her name?” Mike slurred the words, feeling almost drugged from the hot water and soft, lingering kisses. “Migraine McBitchface?” 

“Stop it.”

“I want something that’s only ours. That you’ve never done with a sub before.”

“I get to pick the something?” Harvey dropped down as he asked it; let his mouth wander over Mike’s chest; to taste and press, to lick over a nipple until Mike’s hand rested on his cheek, like ‘stop.’

“Yeah. You pick. I don’t care what; don’t care if it’s orgasm-inducing or not or if I hate it or…whatever…." 

“I won’t pick something you’ll hate.” Harvey stayed where he was, head settling in by Mike’s ribs, Mike’s fingers finding his hair. 

“Well, think about it - because you don’t get to do it with anyone else. As in, ever. If we….”

“Did you not believe me in the shower?”

“I did. I do. But the cross-town bus could jump the curb and mow me down or….”

“You never stop do you? Churning through the what ifs?”

“Just saying; pick knowing… it’s all mine.”

“How would you ever know? If you got run over by a bus…you’d never know, anyway.”

“Have you decided yet?” Mike could hear his own voice getting heavy. “What you’ll….”

“No. It’s tantalizing; I need some time to consider it.”

“Sure …you do,” Mike said, and the words came out sloppy. Half formed. “Gonna…think about it in …detail. Frigging…dom.”

 “Let go, okay?” Harvey said, and his breath was warm on Mike’s skin. “Go to…..”

 

 

~end~

 


End file.
